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krysti

[ website | i know that it isn't right, but be with me tonight. ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[21 Dec 2003|10:31pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

this is the end.

i'm moving. to somewhere that isn't here. it's been nice knowin' you all. thanks for the comments and everything. peace out.

it's time to change my life . . . -oval opus.

you're floating
in front of me
but you're still so see through . . .

Comments: 5 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

well then... [17 Dec 2003|02:58pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

*sniffles* i think i'm getting what everyone else has. sigh.

oh well.

yeah, so finals are most definitely over. my grades are slowly filtering in. a B in spanish. not bad. that's about what i expected. just so long as it wasn't a C, i'm a happy girl.

but, yeah, this terrible fall semester is finally over. thank the lord. i just took a shower and cleansed myself of all of it. it's over. it's finally over.

now if i can only get rid of her. she needs to leave. a.s.a.p.

a new year is right around the corner, and i so can't wait! :) 2 dates, well, sorta, this week...:-D thursday night and saturday night. kirt, we better be going someplace good! i'm leaving this decision up to you, so it better not suck! or i will come over and beat you up! don - i would like to know exactly what it is we're gonna do, and if dinner is involved or not. :)

you called me the other night and told me
that you needed to talk real bad, so i said alright
i just sat there and listened to your story
the one i've heard so many times before
so now you tell me that you want me forever
and you say that you wanna be a friend
so what made you change your mind again?
don't love me anymore
save it
...

but yeah. i'm slowly getting over dan. i think i'll be okay. no. wait. i know i'll be okay.

i have the greatest friends ever. liz and nick took me to cheddar's last night, just because they wanted to hang out with me. and because i hurt a lot. :(

i have 2 cysts. both below my tailbone. both hurting bunches. i went to the doctor yesterday...that bitch poked me with a needle to drain out some of the fluid. she said she took 2-3 CCs out of me. good lord, that needle felt like it was about 6 feet long as it entered my body, and stayed inside for about...oh...a minute or two. i was laying on that doctor's table, clutching the sides, crying, totally tensed, as she held me down, removing bacteria-filled fluid from my body, one hand on my leg, telling me that i'm doing great, to just stay still, just a little while longer, i'm doing fine...me, crying, about to scream, in total agony. then she taped a piece of gauze to me, which i promptly removed when i got home. i tried to sit down...oh man. i've never felt pain like that. no, wait, i have. after the lancing. she told me that if those little bastards weren't gone before friday, that i was to call her, and we'd do a "procedure." in other words, a lancing. sigh. this time, with the needle and the stuff, there was no anesthesia. next time, there will be some local. and holy god, does local anesthesia hurt. sigh. i'll make it, though. i can beat these fucking cysts. i just wish i wasn't so prone to them. :)

so yeah. i'm sort of bored. waiting for work time to roll around. tomorrow will be super busy - laundry, hair appointment (i need to chop off this mop), um, date with don. :) it should be a good day.

i made another great cd for nathan. i sort of forgot one of the most integral songs on the first one. "the coffee shop girl." so i made him a second one. :) it's all oval opus, averi, and sarah mclachlan. yay.

okay, now i'm gonna go get dressed (because i'm kind of only clad in a robe right now...*rawr* - you want it, you know you do), and do my makeup and stuff...then go get something to eat. yay food. yay work. :) not really. ha.

Comments: wrap your arms around me..

finals suck. [15 Dec 2003|02:56pm]
[ mood | liberated ]

hi. :)

i took my first final this morning - if i got all the ones wrong that i guessed on, i'll have a 70 on the final, thereby giving me a B in the class. if i got some of those guesses right...i got a higher score than that, maybe even giving me a higher grade, and a higher final grade. :) i might end up with an A in mythology! woo!

anyway. tonight. 6 p.m. memorial hall. i seal my spanish 101 grade's fate. if i do well, which i should, i'll probably end up with an A in that class. let's hope so.

if i don't do so well, i'll end up with a B at the lowest. not bad. i'm shooting for about a 3.0-ish GPA this semester. i should be able to do it, if i can pull my stats grade up. damn, that class is so much harder than i expected it to be!

journalism should be a B. maybe a high C. either way....and shit. that grade counts twice. i'm so dumb. oh well. a C twice is better than an E!

stats...man. that class...maybe a C? that's what i'm hoping for. dave fardo was simply awful.

let's see. world politics...probably a B. if i can get about an 80 on the final, i'll pull it up that far. otherwise, a C. but discussion group will help - that's 20% of my grade, and i have an A in there. woo. stress abounds.

as of right now, i'm actually starting to feel happy again. i feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted from my shoulders. i'm starting to deal with what has happened to me....and i am able to forgive those around me for hurting me.

yes, i have lost some friends this year. but the people that have remained have been totally amazing, and i cannot thank them enough for being who they are, so that i can be who i am. thank you for being amazing.

mikey - we had a big falling out. at this point, from what you said to me, that hurt, that bothered me, but i don't need to take that. so i decided to say my piece and leave it at that. it's a shame that you misunderstood me. and it's a shame that you didn't come to me first. but, right now, i'm better off without someone like you in my life. you're great, don't get me wrong, but you jump the gun a little too quickly sometimes. you're not exactly the most healthy person for me right now.

lyle - although i still do and probably always will love you to death, i don't think we can be friends anymore. there just wasn't....the right amount of....something. i can't even say what happened, necessarily. i guess i just felt like you weren't here for me. and that you weren't being supportive. i'm scared to approach you now, especially because you were right...but...you know where i'm at if you want me for anything. i have book money for you, or at least i will, soon. thank you for being a best friend. and absolutely great to me while we were whatever we were. :)

dan - i really don't want to go into this. but...we....man. what a history we've had. you took advantage of me over and over and over again. and i was too blind to see it. i'm so much happier and healthier without you here, especially after what happened the last time we saw one another. you took one last valuable thing from me. and that still hurts. however, i have forgiven you. but i will never accept you back into my life, no matter how much it hurts, and how much i miss you, and how much i see you everywhere around me. i hope your career takes off, and that things go well for you. you, with how hard you work, deserve it. but you're not exactly the greatest person. so that might be why the candidates you continue to work for don't make it. karma. coming back to bite you in the ass. i'd like to think that i had something to do with chandler losing the election. what you did was just too soon before the election. someone didn't want you to have a job. :-D that was mean. i'm sorry. but you hurt me more than that. i'm so tired of crying. especially over you.

max - we were never really that good of friends to begin with. you trashed my apartment whenever you'd come over. you scared the hell out of my roommate. you threw up...blood...all over my bathroom. you flooded my bathroom by falling asleep in the shower. then, when i thought you'd support me and be here for me, you told others that you didn't believe me. then treated me like shit. that hurt, and i don't need someone like you in my life anyway.

there is one more person, but i'll wait awhile longer to write about this one. the pain is still a little too fresh. forgiveness hasn't come yet.

i can't even think of anyone else that has left. apparently....well...maybe they weren't that important to me to begin with, if i can't even remember who they are.

anyway, yeah. you can think whatever you want. i'm tired of being walked on. therefore, as of today...well...figure of speech, haha....i'm not going to allow anyone else to hurt me this way. i'm going to start standing up for myself. dammit. i'm tired of this bullshit. i'm going to tell people exactly what i think, as i do my parents. i'm going to be that way all the time. all the damn time. sigh. so easy to say, so hard to do. it's time to crawl back out of my shell. be outgoing. be fun. be as fucking amazing as i know i can be.

you gotta give me the first clue

starting now. i'm going to go tell my spanish who's boss. ;-) then! world politics! then! statistics! succumb, fuckers! ;-)

Comments: 4 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

more birthday gifts. belated, of course. [13 Dec 2003|11:18pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

so the other day at work mrs warrix, that crazy bitch, gives me 3 pink carnations. and then buys me this adorable little moose that i was kidding about wanting. hey, whatever. at least now i have something to give my dad, even if he'll be like, krysti, you're dumb. :)

the past few weeks have been stressful as hell. and they've involved a lot of not sleeping here in my own apartment. liz, thank you so much for opening your home to me, and allowing me to crash there. things are almost over. things will be better soon, i hope.

as long as you actually do what you say you're gonna do. as long as you leave me alone. as long as you keep your word, which i have learned means just about nothing.

i wrote a 7-page letter to nathan last night, when i couldn't sleep. i listened to the amazing mix i made him, wrote him a pointless letter, and...then i can send it. i just have to make one more mix CD, because i kinda forgot the most important song....the coffee shop girl. how could i have been so stupid? krysti - you're a retard!

work was interesting today. we had 9 people to run the day. hahaha, 3 or 4 registers were open and running the whole time, mrs brown and i included. it was just great. amazingly great. at least we didn't have pissed off, disgruntled customers, like we usually do.

then, as i was leaving, a funny thing happened. ian, whom i am not mad at, and i'm sorry if i presented it that way, helped me scrape all the SNOW off my car...and we chatted for a bit...ian, honey, no...nononono, i'm not mad. as i told you, i have a shitload of stuff going on, and...yeah, you just made me so angry that day. you know what you're doing so well, that i guess i kind of hold you to a higher standard than to talk to me in front of customers. i guess i just treat you with that bit of respect, and i guess i expect the same from you. i'm sorry...i'm so so so sorry. you're one of my favoritest people, and i can't believe that i gave you the wrong impression...through my journal. i didn't even know you'd go look to find it. thank you for going to look me up. leave me comments, next time you're here. :)

hey! who likes the new layout?! i think it looks fucking amazing. <3 my new photo, by lilo raymond. gorgeous. me gusta mucho.

they'll never hurt you like i do

i really want finals to be over. stress abounds around apartment #4 right now. i want someone to hold me, and whisper in my ear that everything will be okay. i want someone to kiss me and mean what that action implies. i want someone to see me for who i am, not for what i can do for them. i want to be loved.

i also want this cyst to go the fuck away. my god, this is the 4th fucking one, and it hurts so much. i always forget how painful these things are...until i get another one. i wish i knew how they were caused, so i could get them to go away. for good. oh well, only 3 more, if all goes well. big sigh. grandpa, as always, help me through this!

mmm...i'm gonna go...uh...sleep or something now. maybe study for some mythology. who knows.

joe, stop studying and talk to me. dammit. i'm hotter than your books anyway.

Comments: 6 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

good god, i'm bored. [10 Dec 2003|01:06am]
[ mood | agreeable ]

not much to do. interviewed mike from averi tonight. he's the sax player. if chad was great, mike was amazing. :) thanks, boys, for being incredible to a young journalist. now i'm going to bore you, if you decide to click on the following lj cut. :)

Read more...Collapse )

so that survey sucked ass. no me gusta.

meanwhile...i'm going to go listen to the rest of this AMAZING compilation CD i made tonight. nathan's mix. :-D

song list! because i am amazing!
1-something corporate>>konstantine.
2-averi>>flutter.
3-ari hest>>monsters.
4-whiskeytown>>jacksonville skyline.
5-maroon5>>she will be loved.
6-whiskeytown>>don't wanna know why.
7-ari hest>>consistency.
8-placebo>>sleeping with ghosts.
9-marc broussard>>blue jeans.
10-ari hest>>fascinate you.
11-whiskeytown>>sit and listen to the rain.
12-marc broussard>>start over again.
13-better than ezra>>at the stars (acoustic).
14-ani difranco>>gravel (live).
15-jason mraz>>you and i both.
16-dar williams>>another mystery.
17-tim james>>i'll be your secret.
18-duncan sheik>>alibi.
19-jason mraz>>sleeping to dream.

yay. great mix. yay me. i'm going beddy bye now.

Comments: 2 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

i have an entire buddy list of people who are away right now. [09 Dec 2003|05:48am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

hahaha, so i had actually a really good day, when i thought i wouldn't.

when i thought everything else around me was falling apart, here comes a shining spot in my otherwise redundant life. :)

at 11:57 p.m., my phone rings. i was on the other line with sarah when christy called to "be the first to wish me a happy birthday." the phone did not stop ringing until around 1:30. when i started answering it with, no, you're not the first one. you're number 14. that sort of thing. haaha.

so then it was sleepytime. i went to bed, feeling pretty loved and adored. woke up around 1:30. :-D did NOTHING all day. nic called me to sing happy birthday IN FRENCH! to me. :-D talked to my mommy. another call from an 859 number that i didn't recognize beeped in. i answer it. some gruff woman from "easley and nelmes flowers," making sure i was home to make a delivery to me.

now. i've never had flowers delivered to me before. so i get all excited. click back over. talk to mom some more, who gives away that she either knew about it, or sent them. runs me off the phone super quick.

the flower lady comes. 12 red roses in a glass vase. they smell amazing. they look even better. a big happy birthday balloon. a big red bow in the middle. baby's breath. those leaves that look so great with roses. however much mom paid was so worth it, because they look incredible. thanks mom!

so then i go to work, after a quick shower. mary ann had left me a card on the service desk, that precious woman. :) i go on my break around 8:30, eat about 70 of ian's mother's buckeyes...mmm...i love you, gladys hickman. thank you for the birthday present via your son. :-D 3 missed calls on my cell phone. all people singing. it was great.

i go back out to the floor, and here walks liz in the door, holding a white paper bag. and a cone shaped hat. ...she places the hat on my head....it says "it's my birthday!" on it...hahaha, the rubber band comes untaped, so the hat falls off my head. i open her gift: 3 generic wal-mart brand reese cups. thank you, liz. you're the greatest. :) we hung out for awhile, chatted, you know, the usual. then i went to her apartment to get my picture taken in said hat. :) good times.

so while i was on break, i also called chad perrone from averi. he said he wanted me to call him after i got off work tonight. so when i got back from liz's around 12, he's calling me. sweet. so i got that interview knocked out...that was a good time. thanks, chad, for a good interview for an even better article.

:)

then, i talk to nathan. he tells me to check my email. that PRECIOUS boy had written me a letter....and scanned it....and emailed it to me. what a great birthday present! thank you, nathan!

man. i've had a great day. i love you all so much. and thank you for remembering, everyone who did. i love you, i love you, i love you! :-D

but, now, i need bed. i'm getting woozy. and my eyes keep watering, because i keep almost crying.

grandpa, i miss you. thank you for bringing all these great people into my life to love, cherish, and care for me as much as you did. i love you. :)

Comments: 4 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

yo yo. i thought this was the COOLEST THING EVER! [04 Dec 2003|11:12pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Beginnings
When did you get into Barenaked Ladies? it was 1992. i was 9 years old. but from the second i heard "brian wilson" on the radio - good ol' Q102 - i had to have gordon. but i was 9 years old. and mom wouldn't buy me a CD by a band with the word "naked" in it! anyway, been totally enamored since i was 9. in 1992.
How did you hear about Barenaked Ladies? heard "brian wilson" on the radio. fell deeply in love.

Albums/Songs
What is your favorite album? born on a pirate ship.
What is your favorite less known song? i have a few. from gordon: i love you. from MYSD: you will be waiting. from BOAPS: just a toy. from shoe box EP: trust me. from rock spectacle: when i fall. and these apples. from stunt: told you so. from maroon: #10! aaah! what's the name of that song?! from greatest hits: thanks, that was fun. from everything to everyone: war on drugs.
What is your favorite B-side? hmm...probably powder blue.
What is your favorite cover another band did of BNL, or cover BNL has done? "when doves cry."
What song would you like to see BNL cover? anything by guster. that would totally kick ass.
Are there any BNL songs or entire albums you don't like? maybe you should drive has its high points, and its definite lows. and i don't think that everything to everyone was as totally awesome as it could have potentially been.

Live
What is your favorite live track? "break your heart." without a doubt.
Have you ever seen them live? 4 times.
Would you watch a Barenaked Ladies cover band? depends - they'd have to be able to improv. they'd have to have the same energy. and they'd have to be as fucking awesome as BNL.
How many miles would you travel just to see them live? i traveled 2 hours! but i'd definitely go farther!

Stuff
Do you own any of the singles? yes.
Do you own either of the box sets? there are box sets?
Would you buy a magazine just because it had a tiny picture of BNL in it? sure!
Do you own any rare BNL items? i have the yellow tape. and i have...a pillowcase with their picture on it. and photos from when i met them. and a signed bootleg t-shirt.

Miscellaneous
Do you think any members of Barenaked Ladies are attractive? man, hell yes. i am totally enamored with ed. and kevin. steve's a lot more attractive in person.
Have you ever met BNL? only waited 2.5 hours in 12 degree weather to meet all 5 ladies.
What would you say if you did? i attacked ed. haha, asked him for a hug, then didn't wait till he responded to wrap my arms around his neck. he goes, "uhh...i don't do hugs. i see hugs as really intimate, and, plus, i don't know you - and i don't want your breasts pressed against my chest." hahaha.
Which is your favorite album or single cover? hmmm...probably....gordon.
Are you a member of the fan club? every once in a while. when i can afford it.
What is your favorite video? "life, in a nutshell."
Know anyone who looks like a member of BNL? i do not. but if i did, i'd be totally in love with him.
Funniest BNL quote? the diarrhea song. cincinnati, ohio. 2001.
Ever made/drew anything BNL related? just a mix tape.
Do you think there will be another album? god, i hope so! long live BNL!

Comments: 3 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

scared. [03 Dec 2003|12:03pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

god....i don't even know what's wrong with me. i really don't. but...i can't get him out of my mind.

everywhere i go, there's something that reminds me of him. his car. his hair color. things he used to say. the more and more i'm becoming like him.

i just wish i could either bring closure to this, or that i could open it back up, or something...i don't want to sit here and shake anymore, whenever i think of him thinking of me...i don't want to worry about him anymore...i don't want to be petrified of running into him on campus, or in town...i don't want to continue watching the door at work, making sure he's not the guy walking in to shop for lower-priced men's clothing.

i don't want to be stalked by our memories anymore.

my mother's questioning stares. my father's all-knowing eyes. i know that they know that i was seeing him again. and i care, but i know they probably won't do anything about it. until they hear about what happened between us, and why i've gone back to following their rules.

i don't want to hear my mother's voice in my head anymore - krysti, i told you this would happen. you're disowned. get out of my face, out of my house, out of my life.

i don't want to see my father's disappointed face anymore - and his words....krysti, i always thought you'd be better than this.

i don't want to think about what my grandpa thinks of me....now that he's gone, and can see everything that i do....i don't want to be a terrible kid. not in anyone's mind.

but here i am, about to turn 20 years old, and petrified of what my family thinks of me. no, what happened wasn't necessarily my fault, but since i kept going back to him, and kept thinking he was going to be better...it is my fault. if i had just stayed away, like i said i was going to, instead of getting pulled back in to his realm....sucked back into his web of lies...i was tangled there, inside of his web, twirled around and around, just so he could trap me there. unknowing. he knew what he had planned for me. but i didn't. and i fell for it.

thereby, making it my fault.

i'm so mad at him. i'm so mad at him for lying to me. for stringing me along. oh, krysti, i'm crazy about you. i can think of no one else that i would want to be with....yeah fucking right. anything i said to you was truth. can you say the same to me?

you thought you were helping me through rough times. and you were, to a point. you helped me relieve some stress. but, no, all i was to you was a play toy. say what you will, but there wasn't enough spark between us to carry on for a long time, even though i fooled myself into believing that there was. i was just along for your roller coaster ride of emotions - one minute, i was your world, i was all that mattered. the next, work, and mom, and everything else came first. then, the next, i was nothing. not even on your radar. and when i'd call? you'd yell at me. push me aside.

i wasn't anything important to you, and don't even tell me i was.

i'm tired of crying over you. i'm tired of feeling so damned unattractive. i'm tired of feeling like every guy after you is going to treat me the same way. you ruined me, just like that other guy did. you think you're so healthy for me, when you're actually like a heroin addiction: lethal.

i need to get you out of my head, but i don't know how. i'm tired of brooding over you. tired of continually thinking of you. tired of wondering. tired of my vivid imagination, running wild. you. need. to. leave. my. head.

Comments: 2 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

i'm a sarcastic bitch. [02 Dec 2003|07:54pm]
[ mood | eh. ]

jeff! look! you're mentioned! don't feel slighted!

birthday countdown: 6 days.

Comments: 6 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

to josh. and brian. and shawn. and mike. and aaron. [01 Dec 2003|09:51am]
[ mood | blank ]

sigh.

josh - i explained to you how i was feeling about you incorrectly. no, i didn't really get a connection, because, honestly, i was bored. you didn't say much to me, and i don't really like boys who aren't as outgoing as i am. i felt like i bored you whenever i spoke, and i felt like all you wanted was to fuck me. which is so not cool.

you're a great guy, josh, and i have a lot of respect for you. i'm just not sure if a relationship between us is meant to work out. i would like to talk to you again, see if i can explain what i meant, but then again, i don't want to give you the wrong idea. i've been close to calling you off and on for days, now...even hit the "send" button a few times on my phone, almost let it ring, almost talked to you....but i ended the call before it even connected.

if you want to pursue a friendship, great! you have my number, and my screen name and stuff. if not, i understand. just....understand that i don't hate you, and i was in no way using you. i wanted to hang out with you that night, and the time we had was..okay. i don't know if it was nerves, or what it was, but...you were awfully quiet, and awfully...disconnected, it seemed. i don't know how to put it.

oh well. just give me a call. if you want to.



brian - i'm pissed. and i'm done. all of this bullshit is over and done with. i can't take this anymore. you tell a guy about a traumatic event, he pretends to understand, then tries to do the same thing to you over again. "i wasn't expecting anything." bullshit you weren't expecting anything. and i'm a black girl. so it was nice knowing you...and fuck you. but definitely not literally.

actually, one more thing. you know why i wouldn't kiss you? because you tasted so damn bad! you were fucking disgusting the other night! you looked like hell, you smelled even worse....i don't know what the fuck you were thinking, but it was all bad. so, yeah, don't come over here again. and don't contact me again.


now that that bitterness is out of the way. shawn.

sigh. what do i say to you? i broke up with you over a year ago - and now, here you are, contacting me again? i don't know exactly what to say to you....i don't even know what you want. i don't think a relationship will work out between me and you, not again, but i could definitely see us being friends. just please! don't call me 87 times a day again! that's just annoying! although i do sort of miss you. but not....exactly....in a boyfriend sense. i'm unsure what to do with you, shawn, but....let's talk or something. get all this straightened out.


mike. dude. seriously. stop reading my fucking journal if you don't want to talk to me. if all you want me for is sex, then why do you care about what happens in my life? "i'm so dramatic," haha, yeah, whatever. "there's nothing more to life." really. you're so pessimistic. and cynical. and shitty.


aaron, you amaze me. you're so fucking great. you're funny and witty and adorable. :) but it's not like a crush or anything - it's more like admiration. i'm in awe of you, aaron from corbin. hahahaha, i'm retarded. i love our late night talks, and our total stupidity. how we talk about nothing, but get so much accomplished. how we pass time just being silly, and ourselves, and enjoying one another's company. i wish you the best of luck, my dear. next time you come through lexington by yourself...i want you to stop by to see me. and cuddle with me. and give me tons of hugs and stuff. :) <3 you.


man, i feel better. i don't know about you all, but venting, not complaining or talking about people, and stuff in a public forum is good.

rawr. i think i'm gonna go back to sleep for a little while now. or to the shower. or to kroger. or something. :)
Comments: wrap your arms around me..

i think....my legs....are gonna fall off. [30 Nov 2003|07:04pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

i've worked something like 30 hours in the past 3 days. i feel like i'm gonna die.

eh. let's see. i came back to lexington from cincinnati on friday morning, around 1:30 p.m. i got back here, changed clothes, unpacked parts of my car, talked to barry some, then went to work. for forever. 3-10:45. came home. went pretty much straight to bed. got back up at 6-fucking-30. went to work from 7:30-5. thought i was gonna die. haha. came home. fell asleep for a short while. checked my online messages. like, 80 from brian....wanting to come down to see me. so i agreed.....but i don't know why. i knew nothing would change at all. and it sure didn't.

so he comes down - gets here in, like, an hour, which amazed me. so we sit around for awhile, he tries to make out with me off and on....i keep turning him down. we go to bed. i get back up too late for a shower :(, and....go to work again. 7:45-5. good fucking lord. today was the day from hell. at least we got to sit around for awhile, and...haha, got caught/yelled at by mrs hadley. good times.

brian was supposed to stay at my apartment while i was at work, right? so when i came home...there's no car that belongs to brian in my driveway. i check my door. unlocked. i go to my room, and there's a note on my bed that says:
"woke back up around 10:00. had planned on staying but just too bored. all of my UK friends are still at home so, i'm leaving. brian. (12:30)"

hrmm. my apartment had been unlocked and unmanned for FIVE HOURS! i had this sinking suspicion that either he was gonna steal all my shit and leave while i was gone, or that he'd leave the apartment unlocked when he left and someone else would steal all my shit while i was gone. hmm. luckily, nothing was taken. but! it's the principle of the thing! dammit!

grr. for now, i think i'm gonna fatten myself up some more (as if i'm not fat enough as it is....), and then lay down for awhile. i've had a rather uneventful weekend, honestly. just TONS of work. grr. fuckin' work.

"but i am le tired...." ;-)

Comments: wrap your arms around me..

woo woo! [27 Nov 2003|12:03am]
[ mood | awake ]

so i drove all the way to cincinnati last night, after 9 p.m. that was fun. made me super duper sleepy. visited with the parents for awhile, snuggled with mom and a budser boy...generally enjoyed being home.

came upstairs to sleep on the futon that now replaces the bed in my room. sigh. made my "bed." slept till 10:30, when my pupper came in to give me muchos besos. we both ended up falling back asleep, and stayed that way till 12:04. i woke up, did some laundry, watched part of death to smoochy, got a phone call from jerriann, talked to her, mom came home, we chit-chatted...i took a shower, after watching part of saturday night fever, went over to jerriann's, went to dinner, called my grandpa, played some more of the sims, and now here i am, entertaining you all with some more mindless drivel before beddy bye time.

sigh.

i just wish i felt at home somewhere. this isn't my home anymore. it's my parents' house. my apartment - not so much. at all. sigh. i just want to feel like i belong somewhere. and i don't really feel like i do. anywhere.

maybe when i get my own apartment....we'll see.

as for now...bed. <3 futons. no wait. that's a lie. ;-)

Comments: 2 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

i am.....in class. [25 Nov 2003|04:37pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

so i totally love this class. no, wait. i'm a liar.

another hour. one down. one to go.

i spent the night in richmond. with a guy named josh. this was interesting, seeing as how i'd never been to richmond before, and decided to drive there at 12 a.m. josh told me to take the 2nd richmond exit, right? so i take it. just kidding. he didn't mean the second exit in general - he meant the second total exit. i felt so dumb. so i made it there. he opens the door for me...and gasps. he could not believe how hot i am, he says. i basically had to pick his mouth up off the floor. haha. so that was nice.

he played a lot of guitar for me. he's awesome as a guitarist. sigh. but that was about where the conversation ended. i don't know if he was nervous, if he's really that quiet, or what, but i was honestly kind of bored. it's not that i need to be entertained, but i felt like i was boring him whenever i'd speak. i'd be telling him a story, and he wouldn't be looking at me, wouldn't really be paying attention. he'd just get up and go smoke or something. i'm like, uh, k, bye!

i worked on an article while at his apartment, and...we watched part of a movie. the life of david gehl, or something like that. kevin spacey. i probably would have liked it, had i not been distracted by somebody . . .

anywho. we slept till 12. i woke up, totally disoriented, and looked at the time. was like, holy fuck, i have to go home! he was still very asleep. so i woke him up - he was pissed. i was like, k, i have to go. he grunted, hugged his pillow, and went back to bed. i woke him up again. he told me to call and wake him up around 3. gosh. how irresponsible can you be?

so i came home. made it back around 1:30. wrote 2 articles. took a shower. called josh, woke him up, as i was asked. walked to class. now i'm still in said journalism class.

woo. i think i'm gonna go now . . .

actually pay attention in class. have a good day. and an even better turkey day! can't wait to go home tonight! :-D

Comments: 2 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

[24 Nov 2003|11:51pm]
[ mood | amused ]

this made me laugh. a lot.





please click on it. and apologize to a cow for not being a vegetarian.

thank you.

Comments: 2 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

for my ADORING fans.... [24 Nov 2003|12:50am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

to liz. this entire entry is to you, my darling.

i love you. i don't think my life could continue without you. you and your kisses, cuddles, stares, boyfriend.....mmm....nothing exists without you.

okay, so i'm just being a total bitch. hahhaa, i suck, but that doesn't make me a bad person, does it? ;-)

i worked a lot this weekend. watched 2...interesting movies over at liz's house friday night. was there till 4:30 a.m. had a quite interesting conversation with mike once i got home. ....fuck me or fuck you. thanks! you're still an ass!

hmm. then i worked. got yelled at. had shitty days all around.

nothing really exciting happened.

mrs warrix definitely told me friday night that mr tackett wants me. that scares the shit out of me - one of my managers wants to....date me? he's, like, 36. and engaged. i'm 19. not so much.

i'm trying to write an entry while talking to josh from richmond on my cell phone. so forgive me if it makes no sense.

let's see. nothing really else new.

i love liz and liz loves me.

as does my bed. it's time for me to get in it now. <3

Comments: 4 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

eh. [20 Nov 2003|08:13pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

it hurts me to have to do what i just did.

but it's done.

as for now, i'm going to work on catching up on my work. and getting some rest. talk about reflection time - what i need is a break from everything that is kentucky.

Comments: 6 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

small tiny rant. in response to another one. [20 Nov 2003|11:57am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

i would just like to take this time to thank everyone for calling me:
1-a liar.
2-awkward.
3-stupid.
4-trivial.
5-superficial.
6-ridiculous.
7-spineless.
8-unsympathetic.
9-tone-filled.
10-someone who takes others for granted.
11-someone who labels.
12-loose change.
13-self-centered.
14-unhappy.
15-conceited.
16-someone who places herself on a pedestal, then knocks others down.
17-manipulative.
18-a harmonious liar.
19-someone who doesn't see what others do for me.


WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?! i am all of those things, i guess. maybe that's why everyone has abandoned me. and you know what else? IT TAKES MORE THAN THREE WEEKS TO GET OVER A RAPE! last i checked, this happened THREE WEEKS AGO, and i'm motherfucking entitled to my moodiness. i was fucking taken advantage of. it won't happen anymore. it simply won't motherfucking happen.

if you want to cut me out of your life, fine. if you want to get all pissy because i chose to invite someone to ease my pain a little to your birthday bash, fine. but you obviously aren't GROWN UP enough to take a step back and see things from my perspective.

you wanted to take me to a GAY club. when i'm not gay. not anywhere close to it. that makes me sort of uncomfortable, but i was willing to go with you, because it was you. and because i wanted to be with you. but apparently that makes me all 19 of the above listed things. when i pulled out, mainly because i didn't want to be out too late when i have WORK in the morning, you freaked out. you think i hate you. you think i don't understand where you're coming from. well, you know what? i do. no one in the past 19 years has remembered my birthday, or cared to share it with me. no one in the past 19 years has cared a fuck about me. and the people who i thought did? well, they only left me in my time of need, refusing to see not only my side of things, but also what they were doing to me.

you were using me to begin with. i'm your chauffeur.

your supportive advice? you know what that was? you talking about yourself. and the horrible things that happened in your life. your calling? to see what you could get me to do. for you. you going out with me? yeah, it was fun. but it didn't make me feel any better. now i feel like you only did it because i wanted you to. not because you wanted to be around me.

you know what? moving in with you was a terrible idea. we're nothing alike. i don't run out on people when i see that they need me. or want me around. or care about me. you can think what you want to, especially about me. but i'm none of the things you mentioned. unhappy, maybe. but i have cause to be. unlike you.

you have no reason to bitch about your parents. none. when i'd sit there and listen to you drone on and on about how they should be able to help you out (!), when they can't help themselves, i was disgusted. i saw a side of you that i never wanted to see out of anyone. talk about self-centered? you can't even understand when other people are crying out for help. although you're mister "i understand everyone's pain." mm-hmm. you sure do.

maybe i have been wrong before. i'll admit it. i'm fine with being wrong. i'm not fine with being mislabeled and judged.

and i love how you ran from me before even trying to talk to me. that's real cool. and real mature.

i'm going to go study now. i have a future that i need to work towards.


edit: following with the theme of not caring....

here's what this was in response to. tell me how right or wrong it is in comments below, if you so desire.

eh.

Comments: 3 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

rain makes krysti a sleepy....and cranky....girl. [20 Nov 2003|12:35am]
[ mood | lonely ]

okay, so i love rain, right? i really do. i just don't like walking to class in it, or driving in it. or when it lasts for DAYS on end.

gracious. i went to spanish for the first time in, like, 2 weeks this morning. in the rain. said fuck it to mythology, because there really is no point to that class. promise.

came back home and slept. like, i don't mean, aww, i'm asleep. i mean, i was fucking passed out until 2:30 p.m. i woke up, kinda, looked at my clock, and went back to bed. i didn't wake back up until 4 p.m. i have no idea how i did it, too, because i had to be at work at 5. if i hadn't woken up when i did, i wouldn't have had time to take a shower, or anything. and i probably would have been late again. woo.

let's see. so i went to work. cue fucking chaos. i hate my job, and my position, sometimes. got yelled at by ian, in front of customers. thanks a lot, fucker. you didn't help my headache AT ALL. mrs hadley was kinda shitty to me, off and on. but whatever - she told me that they will definitely be giving me a raise a.s.a.p. :-D i definitely deserve it.

mikey. please don't be angry with me. the 141 thing is just....gosh. i can't even explain to you what's going on inside my head because i feel like you aren't listening. i want to go with you. i want to celebrate your birthday with you, i really really do. there are just so many factors weighing into my decision of not going with you. i don't want to be all alone in a gay club. you know you're gonna pick up some hot boy, get drunk, strip, and ignore me. especially if it's just the two of us. i don't want to be totally alone in a foreign environment. that's why i suggested that i bring mike - especially if liz and nic were going to come. they'd be together. you'd find someone and leave me all by my lonesome. that's what i see playing out. that's where my suggestion came from. i have your copy of sarah's cd here in my room - i'll bring it by sometime this week. i love you, mikey. i really do. and i know you're going through a tough time. it'll all work out - it really will. things will go your way eventually. if you feel you need to move to boston, do it. do what you think will make you feel the most content. as i told you, the people who really love you and who really care about you will understand your need to either move on or move out, or whatever, and will be here for you in the end. i'll always be here, always. i've invested too much into our relationship to just toss my hands up in the air and go on. i don't do things that way. and neither do you.

i love you, mikey. i hope you have a very very very happy birthday. very. if you aren't busy saturday night, i'll take you out. dinner. movie. something. i'll call you.

sigh.

i'm in a really lonesome mood. i feel like i'm chasing so many dreams, and making myself look totally desperate in the process. i really want something to work out in this one avenue, so i'm becoming all attached and all....creepy. i'm scaring myself. but i know with boys that you have to drill whatever it is that you want into their heads over and over and over again. and you have to be totally blatant about everything. gosh. i just wish i knew how he felt about me, at least now. i know how he did whenever we never saw one another, but now i'm not so sure if things are the same or if they've changed. i wish you'd just tell me. i wish things were just so much easier. i want a hug. i want someone to love me.

i most definitely landed a phone or email interview with averi. i emailed them last night, seeing if they wanted me to cover them in RiFLe. chad, the lead singer, most definitely emailed me back today, saying yes, he wanted me to. dude. so i get to talk to the lead singer of averi! on the phone! and interview him! that means....i might be able to hang out with them sometime! free press concert tickets! dude! woo! I LOVE MY JOB! i just wish it really was my job already . . . sigh.

now i'm gonna go on an emailing bands kick. haha, next up on my list? OVAL OPUS. how fucking cool would that be? :-D

haha, this line from almost famous just popped into my head: I AM A GOLDEN GOD! and i am. i am amazing.

hrmm. my body hurts. probably from lack of sleep. therefore...krystidee is going seepytime now.

Comments: wrap your arms around me..

nothing really new. [18 Nov 2003|06:58pm]
[ mood | reflective ]

yep. more rain. how i love coming home and having to change EVERYTHING, because i'm totally soaked.

so i have a high C in journalism right now. and i am SO EXCITED about this. i got an article back today - 97/100. dude. how amazing am i? i knew that was a good one when i turned it in. :-D

i skipped world politics again today. i really need to go to that class, for real. but, you know what? i'm lazy. and i don't really like that class all that much. so bleh. i'm not gonna fucking go on tuesdays, until my presentation week. hahahaha, yay me.

aaaaand, let's see. i had to meet with my jou prof "during class." she let us out at 4:25, and had us meet with her in her office in 5 minute intervals. i got 5 FUCKING 40! so i had nothing to do for over an hour. went and got some coffee (woo!), and sat in the basement of the student center, working on organizing my chuck d. notes so i could write the article....which is not due until tuesday now. sweet.

so i walk back to EGJ...only to find 5 appointments sitting in the hallway. so they were pushed back by, like, 25-30 minutes. i was going to be so late to statistics that i decided to just...not go. that'll probably fuck me over in the longrun, but whatever - as long as i get about a B in there, i'll be set. :)

hmm. this is the worst part of the semester. where i always lose interest in my classes. and i always lose direction and motivation. come on, krysti. pick up the pace. :) no, not the salsa. haha. i'm so damn funny.

so mike actually came over last night. and it was really really good. like, we just sort of sat around here and chatted for something like 2-3 hours. i don't even know how long it was, but i know that i thoroughly enjoyed myself, and would like to see him again. soon. preferably sometime this weekend....for, like, a date or something. haha. i'm so smooth. :)

but, no, i don't know what i'd been so scared of as far as he was concerned for so long. i was terrified that he was going to come over here and hurt me or something, i guess. or maybe i'm just....scared of someone actually caring about me, and stuff. i don't really know how to handle all that. honestly. and a new relationship kinda scares me, but i really want one at the same time. like, i want it, but then again, i'm being all reserved and retarded for some reason. for real, though....i was so comfortable around him. it was great - i'm not used to being all at ease around someone so quickly. i mean, sure, i'm fidgety, but i'm always like that. especially with boys. potential boys to date. :)

things were good, though, so we'll see. i'd like to not screw this up....sigh. i really want another one of his really great hugs right about now, as i write my spanish composition, and continue to organize my chuck d. notes. in a way, i'd also like for him to be sitting here, in my room, with my 27 candles lit, and the lights all low with me....just sort of....being together. i don't know. maybe i'm being too much of a girl. knowing me, that's probably the truth.

sigh.

go listen to as much averi as you possibly can: averi averi averi! they amaze me to no end. the coupling of pop music and jazz (courtesy of some sweet ass saxophone) is just....god. orgasmic. :) promise.

i'm going to go get back to the world of spanish now. i sort of just wanted to check in.

oh, and DJ? i'm fucking pissed at you. and i want to know what you thought of my poem. don't make me come to south carolina and beat your ass. haha. kidding. although it would be nice to see you . . .

hrmm. anyone have any good ideas as to how to get daniel out of my head? he sure seems to be popping up a lot lately, and i really want him gone. yes, dan, i said i want you gone. gone gone gone. mikey always tells me to channel switch, but he's starting to become more powerful than the channel switching. :( i want him out of my head. out of my life. out of my soul. i guess he'll always be a part of me, after what he took and what we "shared," but i want him as a living being and not just a memory gone. i can't even think about things we used to do or whatever without thinking about what he's doing and how he is. as if i should care. but i do, i guess, sort of. i know i shouldn't, but i do, and i....don't want to anymore! aaaah! this is all so confusing!

get out of my head, you bastard!

okay, now that i got that out of my system....a-spanishing we go. :)

Comments: 3 hugs - wrap your arms around me..

eh. i'm kinda in a shitty mood. [16 Nov 2003|09:19pm]
[ mood | pissy ]

so yeah, shitty mood time strikes us here at the krystidee household once again. i'm just sleepy. and fed up with bullshit.

friday was FUN, let me tell you. krysti most definitely got STOOD UP! i called out of work to go listen to chuck d. speak at memorial hall. mike was supposed to accompany me, and i was actually really looking forward to it, but just kidding. he didn't show up. i cleaned all day, skipped classes, and clean clean cleaned. my apartment looks amazing, even now, almost 2 days later.

so i was working on the dishes when i had to leave to go to this speech....and mike was not here yet. i called him twice, just to see if he'd answer his phone. no. of course not. so i was hurt and unhappy....went to the lecture all by my lonesome. :(

i saw a few people i knew there, but no one really noteworthy, if you want to phrase it that way. so i sat there. and sat there. listened to chuck d. go on and on about...rap music...black culture....and how white people don't know shit about blacks and their struggle. good lord. if i didn't have to be there for journalism, i would have gauged my eyes out with my pen.

so then i came home. was still incredibly pissed off at mike. ended up going to get mikey....we sat here, fucking around online until about 2 or 3 a.m. i took him home, came back here, was still pissed off at mike....but not like "i'm never gonna talk to you again," but like, "damn. that hurt. don't do that again. and i want an explanation." as it turns out....my phone rings at 4:30 a.m. mike. i'm all groggy, and i don't have my glasses on, so i can't see who it is. so i answer the fucking call. it's a drunk mike, wanting me to come and pick him up so he can "see me and talk to me," even though he had his chance earlier in the evening. eh, you know....weird 40 minute conversation. so then krysti goes back to bed....and gets up in 4 hours. goes to work. we had a HUGE day yesterday at work. something like $54,000. good lord. we did $40,000 of it before 5 p.m. in other words, the whole time i was there. grrrr. long long day.

then i came home from work, sorta fell asleep a few times, was exhausted....mikey called, wanted me to join him and jude (his kitty *meow*) for dinner....so after a nap, i went over there, ate with him, watched a movie, went to wal-mart, drove around lexington some, played some of the sims, and then just sorta hung out. i made him some brownies while i was over there, because....well....i'm just that good of a cook. hahaha, no, not really. but they're damn good, right, mikey? :-D

then i came home. went to sleep. woke up SO LATE today, was 10 minutes late for work. :( work work worked. came home. was in a pissy mood. and still am.

sigh.

and now! my favorite poster just fell off the fucking wall! fuck!

now i'm listening to averi....who AMAZES me....and marc broussard....mmm....

i'm going to go study for spanish now. woo. gotta love the NEVER ENDING spanish homework.

the sims is addicting. i really can't believe that i care about how my simulated person is doing....whether she missed work or not....whether she's hungry, whatever. ridiculous. it's just too damned real. but so fucking fun. :-D alrighty, well....krystidee=spanishing it up. yo yo. holla. ;-)

Comments: wrap your arms around me..

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